Wow! The trip to the beach house sounds like a great memory you have with your family, Aisha. I enjoyed reading about all the activities you were doing there. I liked how you used dialogue in your recount, and how you described your swimming costume, and dragging the heavy door open in detail for the reader - perhaps you could put this same level of detail into other areas of your recount as well e.g. what did it smell like at the beach? what sounds could you hear? Why was the room lovely - what made it lovely? Adding details like this will help the reader picture your memory in their mind. Keep up the great work!
Wow! The trip to the beach house sounds like a great memory you have with your family, Aisha. I enjoyed reading about all the activities you were doing there. I liked how you used dialogue in your recount, and how you described your swimming costume, and dragging the heavy door open in detail for the reader - perhaps you could put this same level of detail into other areas of your recount as well e.g. what did it smell like at the beach? what sounds could you hear? Why was the room lovely - what made it lovely? Adding details like this will help the reader picture your memory in their mind. Keep up the great work!
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